


Conversations From The Humvee

by charlesanthonybruno



Category: Generation Kill
Genre: Facebook, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-12
Updated: 2012-11-12
Packaged: 2017-11-18 12:30:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/561090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlesanthonybruno/pseuds/charlesanthonybruno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lance Cpl James Trombley:<br/>"Corporal Person, are you a faggot?"<br/>32 minutes ago. Like. Comment.<br/>Tony Espera likes this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conversations From The Humvee

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a plain text half-joke and evolved into Facebook shenanigans for the sole reason that it would mean Poke could like comments and status inappropriately. (You know he would.)  
> Warning for language?
> 
> **EDIT** 2015.10: NEW FORMATTING. Pictures were nicer, but near impossible to read. This looks less facebook-y, but is much more legible. Also, it gives this fic a wordcount, hurrah!

**Lance Cpl James Trombley**  
Corporal Person, are you a faggot?  
32 minutes ago · Like · Comment  
**Tony Espera** likes this.  
  
**Ray Ray**  
And what if I was, Trombley ? What if I secretly wanted to suck cock and take it up the ass twelve ways to Sunday until my asshole’s all cracked and dried up and it hurts when I shit? What if I was the biggest fucking faggot even your gayass gay bar in Michigan couldn’t out gay me? What would you do, Trombley? Would you jump out of this Humvee right now? Because, you’ve gotta know, buddy, even if I was checked skirts, high heels, sequins, Elton John levels of gay, I’d still be a senior enlisted Marine to you, I’d still be the driver on point for the whole fucking battalion, I’d still be the main RTO. And I’d still be Brad’s favourite.  
**Brad Colbert**  
That’s not true. Walt’s my favourite.  
**Walt Hasser**  
Thanks, Brad!  
**Brad Colbert**  
You’re welcome, young Hasser.  
**Ray Ray**  
Whatever, dude. What I’m saying, Trombley, is that you really focus too much on this whole gay business. Do you have something you wish to tell us? I mean, we don’t really want to know, but it’s okay if you feel like you need some girl time. Brad’s kinda scary, but he’s actually good at listening to other people’s shit, but don’t tell him I said that or he’ll go extra Iceman on my ass just to prove me wrong.  
**Brad Colbert**  
I’m right here, Ray.  
**Ray Ray**  
Are you going to go all Iceman on my ass?  
**Brad Colbert**  
I’m not sure you wouldn’t find a way to enjoy it, so I’ll refrain.  
**Ray Ray**  
See, Trombley? Brad’s actually all fuzzy and nice inside, so you can tell us. Is it something your dad did? Did you go present hunting in the house when he was at work, hoping to find out what he’d gotten you for Christmas, and found fishnet tights and feather boas instead? Did he go road tripping through Australia with a couple of chicks with abnormally deep voices and hairy legs when you were little and never came back? Is that it?  
**Lance Cpl James Trombley**  
What th-  
**Walt Hasser**  
My sister loves this movie!  
**Ray Ray**  
Damn, Walt! Is that why you know all these gay songs? I knew there was something wrong with you!  
**Walt Hasser**  
It’s a good movie.  
**Ray Ray**  
Oh my god, Walt, are you gay, too? Because that would be majorly fucked up. I mean, how am I supposed to work in these conditions? Your crotch is all over my rear view mirror, it’s, like, practically slapping me in the face. What do I do if it starts reacting to me? What the fuck, Brad? Can you believe this shit?  
**Brad Colbert**  
Ray, shut the fuck up.  
**Ray Ray** likes this.

  
  
  
  


**Nate Christopher**  
Do you think the people in this country hate us?  
2 hours ago · Like · Comment  
  
**Tony Espera**  
Nah, dawg, why would you even think that? Is it the ambush that got you thinking? Because, yeah, this one's real hard to interpret.  
**Cpl Jason Lilley**  
Brah, we're invading their country, killing people, blowing shit up and shitting in their front yards, of course they hate us.  
**Nate Christopher**  
Yeah, but I mean, we're here to liberate them. We're killing bad guys, we're helping them.  
**Tony Espera**  
Christopher, I know you're an optimist, and you're right, we were sent to liberate them, but all these people we've seen? They ain't never seen the city, dawg. They don't care about politics. They're just scared. And they see us driving with our humvees, and our guns, and our tanks, rolling right past their fields, scaring their goats and shooting their camels. What do you think? Do you think they're happy to see us?  
**Nate Christopher**  
They all say they love America.  
**Hector Leon**  
Yeah, that's what Meesh says.  
**Tony Espera**  
2-2 this is 2-1 Bravo, our young Christopher is turning into a pussy pacifist and worrying that the kind people of this beautiful country might not like us very much.  
**Chaffin'**  
Fuck, of course they hate us! I hate them, too, those filthy little hajis.  
**Nate Christopher**  
Yeah but you're just racist, Chaffin, it doesn't count.  
**Chaffin**  
And you only sound offended by that because you've got a Mexican watching your six and don't want to piss him off.  
**Cpl Gabe Garza**  
Come on, bro, you like me!  
**Chaffin'**  
Yeah, Gabe, I love your tight, brown Mexican ass when it's wet and ready for me.  
**Hector Leon**  
Man, that's disgusting.  
**Chaffin'** likes this.  
**Tony Espera**  
How can you even say shit like that, dawg.  
**Chaffin'** likes this.  
**Larry Shawn Patrick**  
Jesus, James, you're fucked up.  
**Chaffin'** likes this.  
**Tony Espera**  
2-3, this is 2-1 Bravo. T, you who are enlightened, what d'you think?  
**Cpl Teren Holsey**  
We're here to do a job, doesn't matter if they hate us.  
**Chaffin'**  
Come on, T, you can't seriously think that. How are you such a chill motherfucker? You're a fucking nigger, where's your anger, bro? Isn't that what your people is all about?  
**Rudy Reyes**  
You know, I don't think it's about hate. These people and us, we can't understand each other, that's the problem.  
**Chaffin'**  
Man, Rudy, don't start with your hippie bullshit.  
**Rudy Reyes**  
But it's true, brother. These people here, they don't see life the way we do, they don't have the same concerns. What they see is us messing up their country, messing up their way of life. Doesn't matter if we liberate them in the end. It's not even a question of hating us or not.  
**Tony Espera**  
See, dawg? Exactly what I was saying. It's got nothing to do with hate. Besides, either they'd hate us, or they'd hate their own government for causing all this shit. And you can't just hate everybody all the time.  
**Michael Brunmeier**  
Doc hates everybody all the time.  
**Ray Ray** , **Tony Espera** , and **3 others** like this.  
**Tim Bryan**  
I heard that, Budweiser.  
**Tony Espera**  
Yeah, but that's Doc's superpower. He's an angry motherfucker.  
**Tim Bryan**  
You're all so colossally fucked up, how do you expect me to witness such a concentration of complete retards trying to save the world and smile?  
**Tony Espera**  
I love you, Doc. Mwah!  
**Cpl Jason Lilley**  
Naw, brah, was that a fake kissy sound? That's just wrong.  
**A. Manimal Jacks**  
Careful, Sergeant, our Rudy is going to feel neglected.  
**Rudy Reyes**  
Shut up, Jacks.  
**Cpl Gabe Garza**  
Rudy, I love you, brother!  
**Rudy Reyes**  
Thanks, Gabe, I love you too, brother.  
**Cpl Gabe Garza**  
Don't tell your better half I said that, though, wouldn't want him to snipe my ass.  
**Rudy Reyes**  
Don't worry, brother, I got Pap under control.  
**Chaffin'**  
Yeah, we know that.  
**Larry Shawn Patrick**  
Shut the fuck up, all of you.  
**Rudy Reyes**  
Aw, Pap, they're just jealous cause I like you best.  
**Larry Shawn Patrick**  
You're the worst of them all, you twisted bastard.  
**Tony Espera**  
Alright, boys, no domestics on the net. 2-1 Bravo out.

  
  
  
  


**Walt Hasser** wrote on **Cpl Gabe Garza** 's **Wall**  
Hey Gabe  
3 hours ago · Like · Comment  
**Cpl Gabe Garza**  
What's up?  
**Walt Hasser**  
I'm on watch and Ray's sleeping.  
**Cpl Gabe Garza**  
Aw fuck, sleep talking again?  
**Walt Hasser**  
Yeah.  
**Cpl Gabe Garza**  
I feel for you, bro.  
**Walt Hasser**  
Well, at least this time it's not about how badly he wants to fuck Martha Stewart.  
**Ray Ray**  
WALT WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKING TRAITOR IT WAS A NIGHTMARE OKAY

  
  
  
  


**Chaffin'**  
Oh, you are lovely, young lady.  
32 minutes ago · Like · Comment  
**Larry Shawn Patrick**  
No jerking off in the vehicle, Corporal, I don't want my living space to smell like your balls.  
**Chaffin'**  
Come on, Sergeant, look at these tits. Man, I'd lick that and rub myself all over them and she'd ask for more, the little bitch.  
**A. Manimal Jacks**  
Which one is it?  
**Chaffin'**  
Page 27.  
**A. Manimal Jacks**  
Is that the red head with the nipple piercing? Fuck, that one's hot.  
**Chaffin'**  
No, Jacks, that's page 13. Page 27 is the blond with the fishnet and the tattoo on her wrist.  
**A. Manimal Jacks**  
Which one is page 40? It's the little Asian, isn't it?  
**Chaffin'**  
Nah, she's on page 56. 40 is sweet November of the highly fuckable ass.  
**Rudy Reyes**  
...James, how many times have you used that mag? Because you're creeping me out, brother.  
**Chaffin'**  
Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. I know you're all about spirituality and dharma and shit, but. Look at that. See this? ( show attached file) This is beauty, man, this is perfection. This sweet, soft, perfect looking pussy right there on that glossy page? My dick would recognize it if it was in Braille.

  
  
  
  


**Ray Ray** wrote on **Brad Colbert** 's **Wall**  
Man! I feel like a woman!  
4 hours ago · Like · Comment  
**Brad Colbert**  
Ray. I know where you live.  
**Ray Ray**  
Yeah, that one stopped working a long time ago, homes.  
**Brad Colbert**  
Ray. I know your mother.  
**Ray Ray**  
Yeah right.  
**Ray Ray**  
That's not gonna work either.  
**Ray Ray**  
Brad?  
**Ray Ray**  
Brad??  
**Ray Ray**  
BRADLEY COLBERT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME  
**Walt Hasser** likes this.  
**Ray Ray**  
WALT YOU TRAITOR

  
  
  
  


**Nathaniel Fick** wrote on **Brad Colbert** 's **Wall**  
Brad, we've just received new maps from battalion. I'm stuck in my office until 1530, but come get them when you can, I understand you'll need them for the BFT.  
7 minutes ago · Like · Comment  
**Brad Colbert**  
Be there as soon as I can, sir.  
**Ray Ray** , **Tony Espera** , and **16 others** like this.  
**Ray Ray**  
As soon as he can, LT, you can be assured of this.  
**Tony Espera** , **Evan Staff'** , and **20 others** like this.

  
  
  
  


**Evan Staff'** wrote on **John Christeson** 's **Wall**  
Power. People really get caught with this on different levels.  
58 minutes ago · Like · Comment  
**John Christeson** likes this.  
**John Christeson**  
Power controls your life.  
**Evan Staff'**  
Money. The companion of the first. Some people tend to worship.  
**John Christeson**  
And we know this ain't right.  
**Evan Staff'** likes this.  
**Evan Staff'**  
I miss you, man  
**John Christeson**  
Miss you too, bro  
**Evan Staff'** likes this.  
**Evan Staff'**  
screwby  
**John Christeson** likes this.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Livejournal as a regular fic in August 2011, and then on tumblr in picture format.


End file.
